Friday, March 21

It's happening again.

If you came to read something insightful, you can skip this one; it's mostly me complaining and being bitter.

Slowly my love of EVE is dying again little bits at a time. This time the final trigger was some nerd with a bomber and to much time on his hands, reinforcing one of my towers twice while I was at work, which is fine. What isn't fine is me having to stop playing a game of Crusader Kings II to go deal with the resulting reinforcement timer. I had to stop doing something I was enjoying at the time to go log into a game I didn't really feel like playing at time. Don't know why it never happened before but something rewired itself in my brain, and suddenly it seemed utterly insane that I was effectively letting EVE dictate how I spend my time. I understand that timers are the only way that this can work across timezones in a game like EVE, but it's not for me any more I'm 'done'. I gave my remaining Molden Heath customs offices to Sugar Kyle already and I'll be gifting my remaining private moons away too.
I also promised myself that I will never ever involve myself in anything again that results in a timer. Sure there's the possibility of a fight at the end of a reinforcement timer but you don't know what time the timer will be for, nor do you know if anybody will show up to defend at all. No longer am I willing to re-arrange my schedule or stop doing other things at a random time so I can *maybe* get to shoot something in a game. No more, done for good.

Other than that I've moved out of Molden Heath again, shooting carebears, gate camping bads and DUST bunnies doesn't tickle my fancy, I like my opponents to be at least somewhat competent. The UStz folks seem to be having fun though, so might just be my timezone that is causing this perception for me. Also I'm just not a 'nest builder' I've never lived in any one region for very long, I get bored very easily. I've been somewhat enjoying spending time in Placid, flying small ships. It actually takes pleasingly little effort to get fights around here. Yet, still, I regularly find myself browsing Steam for things that look like they might be fun.
As more and more details about Elite Dangerous start coming out I even found myself thinking earlier this week; 'what if their multi-player turns out to be really good?'. Would I still have sufficient reason to log into EVE if I can get almost instant dogfighting space combat elsewhere? Now that I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with the complications of the industry side of EVE and how much effort is usually takes to get an enjoyable PvP engagement, I can't help but wonder if the answer might just be; 'no'.

What used to keep bringing me back was 'the shakes', but I haven't had those for so long I can hardly recall when I last had them. One day they must have simply just stopped, because I definitely used to have them. Naoru was telling me a while ago how he also gets that rush when he plays DayZ, while I was happy for him enjoying himself I also couldn't help but be deeply jealous about the fact he still gets that rush at all. Unlike lots of other people I also seem immune to the cost of my ship being a factor in this. I derive no more enjoyment from flying a Deimos than a Thorax, seems a ship is just a ship to me, sadly. Anything bigger than a cruiser hull just makes me feel trapped too, every time I'm in a battleship in a fleet I'm keenly aware my survival by and large depends upon others and there's a part of me that simply can't be at peace with that fact. Funny in a way because I don't really care about losses to start with. Therefore it must be purely that it makes me feel like the control is taken away from me, being fiercely individualistic by nature it is something that makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. I've never been a good team player and as I get older it seems like it is getting worse instead of better.

Regardless in ten days Age of Wonders III releases, which will almost certainly take me away from EVE for a couple of weeks, gives me just about enough time to tear down all my towers and such to stop EVE from interfering with my fun elsewhere before then. Maybe EVE will seem like a little more fun again after a short interlude, who knows.

Bitter Kaeda out.

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