Monday, September 10

Convincing people you're retarded is a lot of work!

I'm doing a little soul searching about what I want from EVE at the moment,  piracy has lost its pizazz. For a while I thought solo 0.0 pvp is the new thing for me and while I really enjoy it, when I have more limited time there's not always something fun to do in 0.0 by your own.

I applied my highest sp alt to I.LAW to sample revamped faction warfare and gather some news and stories for, but I haven't heard back from their recruiters yet.

Meanwhile having recently fixed Kaeda's security status to a shining +0.3 I decided that while I figure out what I want from EVE life I'm going to do the one thing in EVE that has always entertained me greatly without fail and that's being  a loot ninja. Everything I saw about the new CrimeWatch in Iceland last fanfest indicates that this EVE profession is going to go away when the new code is implemented so I figure I best get the most out of it while I still can.

Look mom! I'm a ninja!

I have setup operations near Amarr in a mission hub that I know has a lot of faction battleships and marauders, I decided I'm going to be ambitious about my prey this time round.

Sunday night after failing to make several Golems and a Paladin shoot at me I scanned down a relatively young missioning Apocalypse Navy Issue who had a buddy in a Caracal. Almost immediately after I loot the first can the Caracel locks me up but doesn't fire, so I decide to become its unwanted shadow and start orbiting whatever it's shooting and looting/salvaging the wrecks as soon as they appear.

After doing this for twenty minutes or so he finally pulls the trigger, but I want aggression from the Navy Apoc, not the Caracal, so I speed tank the Caracal for a bit hoping his shiny mate will join in. Sadly he doesn't, and I warp out, dscan informs me they left the uncompleted mission and my scanning alt tells me they're on station (pro-tip; always write down ship id's when you're scanning). While they are in station I re-enter the mission and loot and salvage the remaining wrecks, I could have extended the timer on the Caracal (by shooting one of his wrecks) but I have a plan now; I'm going to convince them I'm retarded in order to get the Apoc to shoot. I start by dropping a can in their mission that -like a proper idiot- I label with the current EVE time and I put all my collected loot into it.

Fifteen minutes later with the aggression timers expired they return and so do I, and I start looting and salvaging again putting my 'treasure' in my can. The Caracal locks me again but doesn't fire, so I leave and return in a Sigil (yes really) to empty my can hoping that surely they will shoot at somebody dumb enough to truck an industrial around in a  level 4 mission... I then nearly loose said sigil to a fresh rat spawn, but neither of the two ships opens fire :(

Unwilling to give up I return once more in my mighty condor, I decide I'm going to let them destroy it, I quite obviously start bumping into a mission structure and my condor goes pop. My heart rate quickens as I leave in my pod to go grab a combat vessel, but FUCK; dscan tells me they left again. Ok, fine, I'm in to deep to give up now, I grab a fresh Condor. Once again they return after waiting out their timers, once again the Caracal opens fire on my defenceless little frigate, but this time I leave in low armour. On the bright side; they finally seem convinced I'm retarded and they stay in their mission.

I return in my Vigilant, I only have aggression on the Caracal but it's late and if that's all I can get I guess I'll have to settle for it. In a last ditch attempt to maybe make the Apoc shoot I ungroup  all of my guns and and orbit the Caracal at 10km plunking away at it with void from a single gun making my damage seem abysmal and allow it to take away about 25% of my armor, just as I hit approach to finish of the Caracal the Apoc turns red... FUCK YEAH. I immediately switch point and web to the Apoc, bump the Caracal and drive by vaporize it as I now unleash the full ~930 heated dps of my top rack into it, and continue to to settle into a 3,5 km orbit on the navy issue where its beams have no hope of tracking me. I love it when a plan comes together. They sure made me work for it though.


Kaeda out.


  1. So thats what you've been up to.
    Nice kill needs more faction mods though :P.

  2. I an entralled by this. However, I agree with Orson.

  3. I tried ninja but nobody would EVER shoot me. :(

  4. Absolutely hilarious Kaeda. Your strength of character is evidenced by your perseverence.